Julia's Story
I met a guy, online dating, over six months ago. Both of us are divorced, in our 40s with children, living in the same town. He's very good looking. Pharmaceutical sales rep. We spent hours discussing anything and everything. We quickly took things from online to off. When neither of us had the kids we would go to Happy Hour and just have a blast! As time went on, however, things started to feel "funny".
Many afternoons he would just kind of disappear. His "alone time". OK. We all need alone time. He texted a lot. A lot! To his kids, the job, he said. OK, well that's good. I mean the kids live mostly with their mom. His job requires constant contact. But little things would get him upset. Overly upset. I like the TV off when I'm sleeping. He likes it on. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? We would just compromise, use the sleep timer. But one night after an extended Happy Hour and he appeared to be passing out he just snapped when I turned the TV off. Got up from his stupor, put his finger in my face, said I was trying to control things and to turn the F#$%^&* TV back on or get the hell out! Really? It was so out of proportion! And bizarre!! Then he stumbled back to bed and passed out. For me, it was like an out of body experience. Kept thinking to myself that that really didn't just happen, did it? The next morning he apologized (he was just stressed over work, the economy, child support, had too much to drink, didn't mean to take it out on me, etc.) and was like a different person. Or rather the person I thought I knew. Still the experience left me with my antennae up.
Time passed and everything seemed "normal" again and so I put my antennae away and chalked the weirdness of that particular night to a one-time thing.
Then comes New Year's Eve. We went to this big party a friend of mine was having and it turned out my ex was also there. No biggie. We were on friendly terms. I introduced my ex to my new guy and it was all very cordial. OK, this is good, I thought. The night went on, midnight came. Kissed my new man. Then my ex came over and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and shook my new man's hand and wished us both a Happy New Year. How nice. It was all so very warm and fuzzy. What a great new year it's going to be. Well ... my new man, while outwardly respectful to the ex, would have none of it. He took me, or rather grabbed me, aside when no one was watching, squeezed the hell out of my arm, told me we were leaving and literally pushed me out and into the car. I was stunned and shaken. I wanted to go home, alone. But his house was much closer than mine and quite frankly, neither of us were in any shape to drive. So we went to his house. In silence. Not one word passed. We went inside, he slammed the bedroom door shut and I slept (yeah, right!), nervously, on the couch.
In the morning it was like nothing had happened! He made me breakfast, kissed me on the cheek and pondered what we would do on New Year's day. We could watch football and eat chili at his house, he said, then go to a sports bar later and watch some games there. What did I want to do, he asked. Seriously? I couldn't get out of there fast enough! Told him I was sick, really sick, and thought it was better for me to just recoup at my house, alone.
OK, I told my sister (who had been bugging me to do one) ... Do a background check.
She did. And guess what? He has several domestic battery charges, two DUIs, and oh, he got arrested for soliciting a prostitute! Twice! Within the last year!! Really?
If I had only done this 6 months earlier I would not have wasted so much time! I would not have put myself through such a hellish roller coaster of emotions!!!
The wound is fresh. I broke things off with him yesterday. But the gnawing in my gut had been confirmed. My Prince Charming turned out to be a toad! He tried to get me to reconsider. Admitted he has anger management issues (yeah, among other things) but said he is working on them. I never did tell him what I had found out. I just wanted it over.
Bottom line: The whole experience has left me totally spent. Life can be tough enough ... who needs this?
Anyway, I am still searching for love, will still try online dating. Only now I am absolutely doing a background check first!
~~Julia
07:13 AM, 01/3/2012 
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